Upon arriving to Okinawa, one of my friends drove all day to take me to a sacred site and power spot or energy vortex site here called Daisekirinzan, a forest filled with ancient spiritual energy. In ancient times this was the place the royal family of the Ryukyu Kingdom (now known as Okinawa) came to pray for the prosperity and protection of their kingdom. I had always wanted to visit this place but it was hard to reach and so I was excited to be given the opportunity especially at the start of my time here. It was a beautiful day, and in spite of all the mosquitoes, we had a wonderful time hiking through the forest, doing ritual with the ancient rock formations there, and also reveling in the amazing views of endless sea.
That night I arrived home exhausted but very grateful to my friend, and also to the island of Okinawa for its richness and spirituality that seems to continually recharge and heal me in just the ways I need to become stronger. After giving myself a little Reiki, I thought I'd feel amazing, but instead I started to feel the effects of the energetic clearing from the day. Pangs of sadness, loneliness, and endless insecurity pierced through me like swords and I felt like a ship lost in a terrible storm at sea. It was a very familiar emotional space for me that I knew well, and it knew me well too. It felt like a slimy black leech-y cloud had come over me and it had its own intelligence that knew all my weaknesses and just how to control me to keep me here for as long as possible. Intuitively I knew I was becoming "more light" and entering into a portal of healing as my body couldn't (or wouldn't) hold these negative emotions anymore. In an effort to gain some grounding and to somehow “clear my head”, and even though I was physically exhausted, I rode my bicycle around town and even did some grocery shopping, things that usually bring me joy (btw, grocery shopping in Japan is awesome) however all I felt was further down the rabbit hole.
On my way back home I was really at the end of my rope and still felt lost at sea. I stopped my bicycle at a traffic light waiting for it turn and in a state of increasing agony I asked the universe for some help. At that moment I looked up and saw Charlie Chaplin's face on a sign all lit up in the night sky and next to him, the moon which I hadn't seen in a while. And on that sign underneath the word “coffee” were the words,“taco bell”, in Japanese. The sign was so absurd, it was beyond perfect. I spontaneously laughed out loud into the night air and that laugh was like medicine that caught whatever darkness that had a hold on me off guard which allowed some light to flow through me, and I noticed, with joy, where I was. Which was in Okinawa riding a bicycle at night with the moon shining down on me and Charlie Chaplin looking at me like, "mmmk you, you got this." Quickly I thought of a few more things I was grateful for and that surge of gratitude opened me up even further into the joy of the present. Gratitude is the mightiest heart opener and healing tool there is. Darkness is no match for it, that and spontaneous laugh out loud laughter! Thank you Charlie!!
I still had a rough night of it energetically, as these were very old feelings associated with wounds from long long ago. And it took all night because it was hard to let go of all the pain in my heart, but I was determined to be set free. So with some courage, a lot of forgiveness, and all the energetic assistance I could muster forth, I was finally able to allow those deep waves of emotions to pass, and in the morning I could wake up early and watch the sun rise from my window.
Emotions are like water or waves in the ocean that need to pass through us without us judging or being afraid to feel them. When we're able to let them be felt fully like that we can transform that pain into power. And that willing act of transformation will allow us to connect even more with our soul’s purpose than ever before.
Later that night I was looking for a way to communicate more with Charlie Chaplin who is such an amazing soul he was making me laugh from the other side, so I started researching some of his quotes online. I found some really good wise ones, and then I found this one which, like his sign, was beyond perfect:
“As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.
As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know “THAT IS LIFE”!”
― Charlie Chaplin