This photo was taken 12 years ago at a renovated church in upstate NY. It was in one of those small towns that was so small every building had to double as something else, for ex. the library was also the post office. This church was also a general store downstairs and upstairs was just this beautiful open space. Me and my friends took turns taking photos of each other dancing in the space with the light reflecting off of the polished wooden floors (gorgeousness) with my 35mm camera and this is the one taken of me.
When I was learning Reiki I was asked to bring to class a picture of myself to send healing to and I picked this one. To me it represents a time in my life when I was beginning to awaken to my true gifts and talents as a healer and a dancer, and it was also very confusing and painful. All the darkness of my life began to surface in full force and I did the best I could to understand and process it all, and that process was not graceful AT ALL.
It took me time to open up to the support that surrounded me constantly. I was so used to feeling and being alone that receiving love and support felt uncomfortably foreign, even though it's what I truly yearned for!
Now this picture represents to me my capacity to constantly lean into the light, even in the dark times, and I'm truly proud of that. I realize with greater clarity that all that suffering and pain (that long dark teatime of the soul) that surfaced was actually ready to leave house to make way for my true self to move in. Some call this an ego death. I call it an awakening.
It's a time of awakening to a higher purpose, one that isn't mired in self-loathing and worry, but one that's filled with joy, self-acceptance, and deep self-love. Anything that feels painful and downright debilitating is not really yours. It's there in you alright and you're feeling and experiencing it, but it isn't you. YOU are a being of light and love and any emotion that keeps that from your awareness is residue from a past experience that's so deeply lodged in you and has been there for so long, you've mistakenly identified it as a part of you. It's not. And if you're feeling it, it really does want to leave, but it's up to you when you'd like to begin the process of letting it go. There's no right or wrong time for this, you have free will, and it's whenever you feel ready for more of life. That's the calling of life.
And there's so much support around you to assist you, all the time. I'm with you and I love you.